The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

So, how many of you remember the movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle"? I do! It was one of my favorite movies when I was younger and I am still a fan of it...for those who know me, this comes as no surprise...I love scary movies. Anyways, thus I digress. Do you know where the movie title comes from? It comes from a poem - a poem that is actually mentioned in the movie; here it is:

Blessings on the hand of women!
Angels guard its strength and grace,
In the palace, cottage, hovel,
Oh, no matter where the place;
Would that never storms assailed it,
Rainbows ever gently curled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Infancy's the tender fountain,
Power may with beauty flow,
Mother's first to guide the streamlets,
From them souls unresting grow—
Grow on for the good or evil,
Sunshine streamed or evil hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Woman, how divine your mission
Here upon our natal sod!
Keep, oh, keep the young heart open
Always to the breath of God!
All true trophies of the ages
Are from mother-love impearled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Blessings on the hand of women!
Fathers, sons, and daughters cry,
And the sacred song is mingled
With the worship in the sky—
Mingles where no tempest darkens,
Rainbows evermore are hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

It can be hard to believe that such a scary movie came from this beautiful poem. But for those that remember the movie, it makes sense. Anyways, do you remember this line in the movie??:
Peyton Flanders: [to schoolyard bully] I got a message for you, Roth! LEAVE EMMA ALONE! Look at me - if you don't, I'm gonna rip your fucking head off!

Now, being the good person that I am, the good social worker that I am, I would never dream of saying this to a young child. But from the moment I saw this movie, I thought, "Boy, if anyone ever messes with my kid when I grow up, I will take care of them like Peyton did for Emma."

Now, even though I have never said anything like this to a child and again, I never will, I am a very protective mother of Riley. I have NO patience for bullies (gee, do I have some unresolved issues? Well, kinda, I was picked on by this she-male named Spring...or Summer...or something like that, when I was in Jr High...anyways, I digress again). Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah, I have NO patience for bullies or bullying. So, being the protective mother I am, there has been a time or two when at the playground I have "gotten after" a few kids for being too rough or rude to Riley (or Jaylene for that matter). I will never touch another person's kid, but I sure will step up and say something if they mess with my kid and their parent's don't intervene. Now mind you, things have to be pretty bad for me to get involved...

Herein lies my story for the day. So, for the past several months there have been a group of girls at daycare giving Riley Hell. It's a long story, but the short of the long of it is, they won't let Riley make anything that looks remotely like what they are making. I can't tell you how many days Riley has come home upset because "Hailey and Savannah won't let me make nuggets." Well, I have talked with the staff and have had mixed feedback. Some of the teachers are like "no, this is unacceptable" while others are not quite so "proactive."

Well, today was the LAST STRAW! I arrived at daycare (after a good day at work) to find Riley crying because one of these little "angels" told my daughter she was stupid and again, would not let her make "nuggets." To make matters worse, I see a sign, posted on the desk where you clock the kids out, made by one of these little "darlings" that says: "Don't copy our nuggest - it makes us mad!" So, I ask the teacher about this. Mr Fernando says "well, some kids don't like their stuff being copied." My response: "I pay $300 for her to go here, she can make whatever she wants...I'll be talking to Brenda about this."

Brenda...she is the daycare director...I just LOVE her. She is loving and gently with the kids, but also firm with them...all the kids respond very well to her. So, off we march to see Miss Brenda since Mr Fernando is obviously and enabler. Thank God, Miss Brenda agreed that this was bullying and that the teachers are not responding appropriately, so she agreed to talk to the staff and those kids on Monday.

Meanwhile, I spend the next hour at home trying to calm down Riley who keeps saying: "I'm not stupid, I'm not, I'm not!"

Times like this, I chanel my inner Peyton.

Again, I would never say the F**k word to these kids, or harm them, but believe me, if the staff doesn't take care of this, you can bet I will be talking to these kids...and their parents.

Whew!!!...I feel a little better I got that out...thanks for listening.

Mysterious Ways

So, I am a firm believer that God works in mysterious ways. For those that know me, it's no shock to hear that I am not "religious" per say. However, I would describe myself as spiritual. I don't go to church (for various reasons I will not go into at this time) but I do pray and I pray hard and often. Sometimes it's the only thing I know to do. And thankfully, God works in mysterious ways and things have a way of working themselves out.

When I wrote my last post I was devestated that my hours had gotten cut at work. Number one, I need to work since I am the sole bread winner in my house supporting two little girls. Number two, I love to work. I love being a social worker, I love going to work everyday (well most days at least) and I love helping people in my job. Number three, I love the people I work with. I have never worked with such a great team before in my entire life (yeah, I know, I'm still a little young to say that); we have SO much fun together! Jana, my supervisor, put together a great team. So, with all this, you can see why I would be devestated to have my hours cut. So, with all this going on, I prayed. I prayed hard for something to work out. Something, anything...

But, I guess God works in mysterious ways. Having our hours cut triggered a chain of whirlwind events like no other. Some of us started looking for new jobs while some wanted to stick it out, some people changed their mind and flip flopped between staying and leaving. For myself I was set on leaving. I didn't see this turning around any time soon, so my intense job search began.

The job search was way easier than last summer's feat. Last summer I was the Queen of Interviews; I think I went to almost 15 interviews. This time I went to 3 and got job offers from all of them! Anyways, I will spare you all the gory details and cut to the chase. Me and my supervisor, Jana, got jobs at the same place! It's a fabulous locally owned Hospice which is rapidly expanding! This was actually the fourth place to offer me a job, but I didn't even really interview with them. Again, it's a long story with more twists and turns than a soap opera so I will spare the details. What is important, is I found a great place to work, with a great team, and another great perk is I will get paid more and it's salary! Woo Hoo!! So, I guess in the end I can look back and say, getting my hours cut was probablly a blessing in disguise. God does work in mysterious ways.

So, on that note, things are some what back on track as far as my goals I had set this New Year:

1. I am back in contact with the bank and it looks like I will be approved for more this time around for a house.
2. I got my taxes back this weekend and am planning on paying off some bills.
3. Although I haven't lost any weight (despite being continuosly physically ill from anxiety due to all the drama and trama at work for the past 5+ weeks) I did go to the dentist last week and this week and got my teeth cleaned and all my cavities (12) filled (yes, I had 12, I know it's disgusting but I haven't had insurance for the past 6 years and taking care of my teeth, among other things regarding myself, has not been a priority). I think that counts as taking care of myself. Maybe now I can focus on losing weight since I am not focused on finding a job!

Anyways, that's the new update! Today was my last day at Mercy and on Monday I start work with Heart N Home Hospice. YEAH!!!! With that being said I will miss my friends at Mercy. I wish you all the best and I am sure I will see you around!

Wish it was better...

So, unfortunately things have not gone as according to plan...but do they ever? Isn't that the story of my life??? Whatever!

So, here's the DL (translation: down low or update...yes I am channeling my inner thug...or something like that). My hours got cut back at work which has had numerous widespread devestating effects.

Here's how EVERYTHING has been effected...
Hours cut back = less pay
Less pay = no buying a house OR paying off bills any time soon
Less pay = crunch time for trying to get school loans deffered
Less pay = getting my housing assistance back (I was so proud of myself for finally getting off "welfare")
Hours getting cut back is a direct result of low census, which has been low (really, really, really low) for a while
Low census for extended period of time and hours being cut back indeffintiely = possible permanent cut back to part time = more expensive insurance (gee that makes sense, pay me less and charge me more for insurance)
Low census for extended period of time = ????? What will they do with us? Help us? Shut us down? ????? Who knows?? We sure don't!!!
Possibly losing my job or extended time with my hours being cut back = start looking for a new job
VERY FEW (like 5) social work jobs in the entire state of Idaho, locally there is one in Boise and one in Caldwell
Very few jobs here = looking out of this area
Looking out of this area = moving (expensive and time consuming = financially and emotionally draining)
Moving out of this area = Jaylene moving in with stranger, leaving my family (as crazy as they are I do love them), Riley freaking out about not seeing her dad (which she doesn't anyways) or her friends or the rest of our family...poor kid...
VERY stressed = still smoking and no weight loss

Do these people understand what cutting back hours or cutting jobs do to families?? No, of course they don't because the big wigs who make these decisions don't know a thing about us and don't care to know a thing about us. After all, it's a lot easier cutting jobs for social worker 1 than it is to cut hours for single parent who busted her butt for 5 years to provide a decent life for her child and the one family member who can provide a decent life for her 7 year old cousin who is in foster care who has experienced abuse beyond words...

I have one word for you...make that two...cheap bastards

On the bright side...my boss got a job at an agency expanding and swears she will hire me once their census is up...but can I wait that long? No!
So, what do I do?? I apply for jobs across the country - No kidding!! LOL! I applied in New York, California, Georgia, New Mexico, Indiana, etc...you name it I applied there. I even applied for a job in Twin Falls.

So, here's the news, which I am ambivalent about. I applied for a job in Twin Falls and I had a phone interview Friday which went great and I am going there tomorrow to meet the director. I also applied for a job in Boise which I have an interview for Monday. Wish me luck!

What's a girl to do?? There are so many things running through my head. The short of the long of it is, I do NOT want to go back on welfare less than a year after I graduated. I don't want to because I can't afford it AND because of my pride. Neither my wallet nor my ego can take a hit like that. I have to have a job; that's all there is to it. Even if it means us leaving Boise. :(

I have been praying to God about all of this. What am I praying for? I'm not praying for one job or the other...I'm praying God will lead me down the right path and take care of us. I don't know what the right decision is; only He does.

What's in a name?

So, I have a slight obsession with wondering what names mean. I don't know why...I've been that way as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl I used to think my love life would be a fairy tale since my name (Amanda) means Goddes of love or worthy of being loved. SO much for that, but that's a different story for a different day.


When I named Riley I was OBSESSED with names and their meanings. During my pregnancy I worked in a dental office as a dental assistant and I had the privilage of meeting a wide variety of people with a wide variety of names. Actually, it was there where I first heard the name Riley. I had debated between naming her Ella and Riley, but Riley won hands down for TWO reasons:

1. Ella means wood fairy or nymph (or something like that)
2. I was afraid if she was fat kids would call her Ella Elephant. This may sound silly and trivial but since I have struggled with weight my whole life this was something I took very seriously at the time. To tell you the truth, I don't know that I would ever name any daughter of mine Ella for fear fate would cruelly have her inherit my genes and subsequently the kids would have a reason to tease her and call her Ella Elephant. Thus I digress.

Thankfully I settled on Riley and I couldn't have picked a more perfect name for her if I don't say so myself. Riley means "courageous and valiant." I thought it would be a good strong name for a girl and future woman in the 21st Century. And Riley has certainly lived up to her name. Anyone who knows her would agree! Ever heard the phrase "Living the Life of Riley"...if you look up the story behind that phrase, Riley fits that as well!

A patient at the office is also where I came up with her middle name...kinda. Her middle name is Diane - which is my mom's middle name. But I spelt it differently - like the patient did. I thought it was so pretty I fell in love with it immediately - DyAnne.

It seems like some people live up to their names meaning...which came first though? Did their names meaning set a tone for them or did they set the tone and their name fit? Hhhhmmmm...again I am rambling.

So, I'm sure you are wondering where I am going with this. Well, once again we got another puppy (the two are related, just bare with me)! I was hesitant to get another one after Elvis passed away but I just couldn't resist when I saw these little puppies on the Idaho Statesman web page. Of course, they are long haried daschunds...just like Elvis. I thought if I ever got another dog I wanted to get something different. But after seeing some LHD's around town and after seeing these puppies on line I just couldn't resist. I am a true daschund lover at heart! So, Saturday night we went and looked at the puppies and met the most wonderful pet owners and the cutest dogs with the sweetest dispositions. After all was said and done we came home with this little guy -

He is a dappled long haired daschund...with one green/brown eye and one striking blue eye. I have ALWAYS wanted a dapple daschund...I just think they are so unique looking. So, with a unique dog comes a unique name, right? Since Riley got to name Buddy it was my turn to name this little guy. So, I spent the weekend looking at names and came up with...

MAVERICK!!!

So, what does Maverick mean? Why is it such a good name for this dog (see I told you the two were connected)? Maverick means "dissenter from the group" or "different from the group." Do you see the connection? This little guy is so different looking I thought this was the perfect name for him. As a Liberal living in Idaho I guess I am a Maverick in my own right. But again, that is another story for another day...

I'm sure most of you are wondering how Buddy is doing with this new addition to the family. Surprisingly well! He is a little rough, not intentionally though. After all, he is basically a 33 pound baby who thinks he is a lap dog. Maverick is getting braver around Buddy as well. He gets scared sometimes when Buddy body slams him with one paw, but then he gets right back up and goes after him! It is quite the sight!

Anyways, I probablly shouldn't have gotten him; I should have done something responsible like I always do...Therein lies the problem. At 27 years old I have the life of a 30something year old. Don't get my wrong, I love my life, but sometimes I get tired of always doing the "right thing." I have put myself through school for the past 5 years, raised Riley by myself, recieved little to no child support and have been working my butt off! Up until December, I have been working two jobs! This fall I was putting in 50-60 hours per week between working my full time job at Hospice, filling in at the hospital, and still working at the store part time. However, I recieved a surprise this week. Much to my delight this past week I recieved Shane's taxes from 2008, which was enough to pay off some bills and buy this little guy. I think I deserve him...and boy do I just love him! The girls think he pretty's cute too! ;)

Ringing in the New Year - 2009

Well, another year has come and gone...

This past year has brought lots of ups and downs.

A Recap of 2008:

• I graduated with my MSW - YEAH!!
• I now have a ton of debt - BOO!
• Riley graduated Kindergarten; I thought for sure her temper would have gotten her kicked out. Instead everyone raves about how great she is! - YEAH!!
• I got a JOB...a REAL JOB!!! And it's one that I like - YEAH!!
• My work laid off nearly 10% of it's labor force - BOO!
• I still have my job - YEAH!!
• I still work at the store since I have so much debt and I don't get squat for child support - BOO!
• I can count on one hand how many times Riley's dad has seen her this year...which is good and bad. The less I see him, the better. The less she sees him, the worse - she thinks he walks on water - BOO!
• I miss having 4 weeks of Christmas vacation off - BOO!!
• Jaylene is living with us and we are SO glad she is here and safe - YEAH!
• Jaylene's mom and dad are way worse than they were in 2005 - BOO!
• I am trying to buy a house - YEAH!
• I wanted to be moved into a new place by now and we're not - BOO! (Rent is more than my mortgage would be - BOO!!)
• We got a puppy in September - YEAH!!
• Elvis died in December - BOO!
• We have the two coolest cats! YEAH!!
• My weight is the highest it's ever been - BOO!!
• I have a TON more grey hair - BOO!
• I'm overall pretty healthy - YEAH!!

So, overall, 2008 was pretty good. In the scope of things, the "bad" things that happened or the things that I didn't like, weren't that bad relatively speaking. One thing I learned in 2008, which I am still working on practicing, is remembering: "Life is about wanting what you got, not getting what you want."

With that thought in mind and 2009 here, I have made my New Years Resolutions. When I made these, I tried to think of things that I didn't/don't like about my life and would like to see different in the coming year. Here they are, in random order:

1. Lose Weight - 75 lbs to be exact (yes, I am ashamed to say I need to lose that much *sad face*)
2. Treat myself better; yes this may sound trivial, but, like most mothers, I have given so much of myself to my daughter that I have left myself by the way side and subsequently have found myself with piss poor self esteem. Due to the nature of my work, I continue to give even more of myself as well. I need to take care of myself before I can help others, even if it is something as simple as exercising each day and getting my hair colored every 8 weeks and finding a hobby or interest for myself.
3. Be a better mom; specifically stop yelling so much
4. Live a healthier lifestyle; I guess this ties in to number 1...unfortunatly I started smoking again when Jaylene came to live with us and I would like to quit again and stop drinking so much soda ( I am dreading this one the most!)
5. Have dinner with my family at least one time per month... (never mind, I am dreading this one the most)
6. Have a date for New Years 2009 (keep your eyes peeled for me)
7. Buy a house before June.
8. Develope a routing for me and the girls; one that will hopefully reduce the stress in the house and allow me more time for them and for myself. One that will reduce fights over who does what; reduce whinning about chores and such. After all, according to Riley she does "everything" around the house. I can't tell you how often I hear her say "What do you think I am? Your butler?" Yes Riley, that is exactly what you are. That is the SOLE reason you were born, just to serve me. Please, give me a break Drama Queen. Maybe another resolution should be to get Riley into Drama so she can literally "Act Out" somewhere else.
9. Find a hobby/past time/sport for Riley.
10. Organize finances/pay off debt/consolidate school loans.

So, I think that is all of them. Although I am sure these will change and evolve over the next year and future years as well. As I look over these, I think, eh, these won't be so hard. I know a lot, if not all, of these resolutions overlap and affect each other. For example, if I am healthier maybe I won't yell so much and I will want to see my family more often. You get the picture... The date one, now that's a different story...kinda. I guess if I feel better, then I will be more confident and attract someone. At the same time I am totally a sucker for the whole "fate" thing. I believe "it" (meaning love or finding "the one") will happen when it's supposed to happen; no matter how much confidence I exube.

Anyways, wish me luck!! What about you? How was 2008 for you? Any New Years Resolutions? Check for future updates about mine. Maybe I will do a monthly update about my progress. I think I will do that; then maybe my fellow bloggers will hold me accountable; specifically with things like losing weight.

Here's to 2009!!! Happy New Year! I hope it brings lots of happines for each and everyone of you!

Extra! Extra! Read All about It!!!

So, I thought I would drop everyone an update since I haven't posted in a while.

There for a while I was having technical problems with my computer which hampered my blogging for quite a while. Actually, it put a halt to ALOT of my internet adventures; I was not happy. Thanks to Aaron, my computer is fixed (I love you Aaron)!

In more exciting news, my cousin Jaylene is living with us. Even though she is my cousin, she is nearly the same age as Riley, less than a year older than her to be more specific. for those of you who know me, you know why she is living with us. I would rather not go into the details on this post though.

For those of who live in Idaho, more specifically "thevalley" you may be wondering about my job since it was all over the news that Mercy laid off 70 people and cut back the hours of 30 people. I have good news; I am OK! Let me tell you, I wake up every morning praying that I have a job and will have a job at the end of the day and I go home every night thankful that I still have a job! Unfortunatley, I don't think anyone is safe during the economy. I am convinved that we are entering the second Great Depression. All I can say is God help us.

On that note, I am trying to buy a house! Ironic isn't it? Normally I wouldn't even think about it in this economy. However, my mortgage would be cheaper than my rent and I would have the stability of knowing that it's my house. And, when the economy collapses, my family can move in with me and I won't have to worry about getting the landlords approval. LOL!!

On a sad note, Elvis passed away not too long ago. He was nearly 13 years old. He had to be put to sleep because he had congestive heart failure. It was very, very sad. I cried harder than I have cried in a long time. Anyways, enough about him before I ruin my keyboard with crying uncontrollably.

Thanksgiving was great. It was a big ole' estrogen filled Thanksgiving since there is no man crazy enough to want to marry into my family. What else can I say?? It was fun nonetheless.

On that note, Christmas is right around the corner. I wish I had more money to spend since I pretty much have NOTHING to spend. However, I would have had the money to spend if I wasn't trying to buy a house. Anyways, the girls are excited nonetheless and so am I!!

Anyways, I think that's about all there is to update you on. Stay tuned for future updates about the house. I figure, God has a way of working things out and whatever happens, happens for a reason.

I hope everyone enjoys the holidays and is surrounded by loved ones.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow....

I always love this time of year and how beautiful everything looks covered in white. It's so serene and peaceful. I also love playing in the snow. So, today, me, my mom, Riley, Jaylene and Buddy went to Camels Back Park to go sledding. It was so much fun (until some little poop ran into the back of legs and knocked me off of my feet and I heard my neck crack; yes it still hurts)! Enjoy the pics!!