Wish it was better...

So, unfortunately things have not gone as according to plan...but do they ever? Isn't that the story of my life??? Whatever!

So, here's the DL (translation: down low or update...yes I am channeling my inner thug...or something like that). My hours got cut back at work which has had numerous widespread devestating effects.

Here's how EVERYTHING has been effected...
Hours cut back = less pay
Less pay = no buying a house OR paying off bills any time soon
Less pay = crunch time for trying to get school loans deffered
Less pay = getting my housing assistance back (I was so proud of myself for finally getting off "welfare")
Hours getting cut back is a direct result of low census, which has been low (really, really, really low) for a while
Low census for extended period of time and hours being cut back indeffintiely = possible permanent cut back to part time = more expensive insurance (gee that makes sense, pay me less and charge me more for insurance)
Low census for extended period of time = ????? What will they do with us? Help us? Shut us down? ????? Who knows?? We sure don't!!!
Possibly losing my job or extended time with my hours being cut back = start looking for a new job
VERY FEW (like 5) social work jobs in the entire state of Idaho, locally there is one in Boise and one in Caldwell
Very few jobs here = looking out of this area
Looking out of this area = moving (expensive and time consuming = financially and emotionally draining)
Moving out of this area = Jaylene moving in with stranger, leaving my family (as crazy as they are I do love them), Riley freaking out about not seeing her dad (which she doesn't anyways) or her friends or the rest of our family...poor kid...
VERY stressed = still smoking and no weight loss

Do these people understand what cutting back hours or cutting jobs do to families?? No, of course they don't because the big wigs who make these decisions don't know a thing about us and don't care to know a thing about us. After all, it's a lot easier cutting jobs for social worker 1 than it is to cut hours for single parent who busted her butt for 5 years to provide a decent life for her child and the one family member who can provide a decent life for her 7 year old cousin who is in foster care who has experienced abuse beyond words...

I have one word for you...make that two...cheap bastards

On the bright side...my boss got a job at an agency expanding and swears she will hire me once their census is up...but can I wait that long? No!
So, what do I do?? I apply for jobs across the country - No kidding!! LOL! I applied in New York, California, Georgia, New Mexico, Indiana, etc...you name it I applied there. I even applied for a job in Twin Falls.

So, here's the news, which I am ambivalent about. I applied for a job in Twin Falls and I had a phone interview Friday which went great and I am going there tomorrow to meet the director. I also applied for a job in Boise which I have an interview for Monday. Wish me luck!

What's a girl to do?? There are so many things running through my head. The short of the long of it is, I do NOT want to go back on welfare less than a year after I graduated. I don't want to because I can't afford it AND because of my pride. Neither my wallet nor my ego can take a hit like that. I have to have a job; that's all there is to it. Even if it means us leaving Boise. :(

I have been praying to God about all of this. What am I praying for? I'm not praying for one job or the other...I'm praying God will lead me down the right path and take care of us. I don't know what the right decision is; only He does.

What's in a name?

So, I have a slight obsession with wondering what names mean. I don't know why...I've been that way as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl I used to think my love life would be a fairy tale since my name (Amanda) means Goddes of love or worthy of being loved. SO much for that, but that's a different story for a different day.


When I named Riley I was OBSESSED with names and their meanings. During my pregnancy I worked in a dental office as a dental assistant and I had the privilage of meeting a wide variety of people with a wide variety of names. Actually, it was there where I first heard the name Riley. I had debated between naming her Ella and Riley, but Riley won hands down for TWO reasons:

1. Ella means wood fairy or nymph (or something like that)
2. I was afraid if she was fat kids would call her Ella Elephant. This may sound silly and trivial but since I have struggled with weight my whole life this was something I took very seriously at the time. To tell you the truth, I don't know that I would ever name any daughter of mine Ella for fear fate would cruelly have her inherit my genes and subsequently the kids would have a reason to tease her and call her Ella Elephant. Thus I digress.

Thankfully I settled on Riley and I couldn't have picked a more perfect name for her if I don't say so myself. Riley means "courageous and valiant." I thought it would be a good strong name for a girl and future woman in the 21st Century. And Riley has certainly lived up to her name. Anyone who knows her would agree! Ever heard the phrase "Living the Life of Riley"...if you look up the story behind that phrase, Riley fits that as well!

A patient at the office is also where I came up with her middle name...kinda. Her middle name is Diane - which is my mom's middle name. But I spelt it differently - like the patient did. I thought it was so pretty I fell in love with it immediately - DyAnne.

It seems like some people live up to their names meaning...which came first though? Did their names meaning set a tone for them or did they set the tone and their name fit? Hhhhmmmm...again I am rambling.

So, I'm sure you are wondering where I am going with this. Well, once again we got another puppy (the two are related, just bare with me)! I was hesitant to get another one after Elvis passed away but I just couldn't resist when I saw these little puppies on the Idaho Statesman web page. Of course, they are long haried daschunds...just like Elvis. I thought if I ever got another dog I wanted to get something different. But after seeing some LHD's around town and after seeing these puppies on line I just couldn't resist. I am a true daschund lover at heart! So, Saturday night we went and looked at the puppies and met the most wonderful pet owners and the cutest dogs with the sweetest dispositions. After all was said and done we came home with this little guy -

He is a dappled long haired daschund...with one green/brown eye and one striking blue eye. I have ALWAYS wanted a dapple daschund...I just think they are so unique looking. So, with a unique dog comes a unique name, right? Since Riley got to name Buddy it was my turn to name this little guy. So, I spent the weekend looking at names and came up with...

MAVERICK!!!

So, what does Maverick mean? Why is it such a good name for this dog (see I told you the two were connected)? Maverick means "dissenter from the group" or "different from the group." Do you see the connection? This little guy is so different looking I thought this was the perfect name for him. As a Liberal living in Idaho I guess I am a Maverick in my own right. But again, that is another story for another day...

I'm sure most of you are wondering how Buddy is doing with this new addition to the family. Surprisingly well! He is a little rough, not intentionally though. After all, he is basically a 33 pound baby who thinks he is a lap dog. Maverick is getting braver around Buddy as well. He gets scared sometimes when Buddy body slams him with one paw, but then he gets right back up and goes after him! It is quite the sight!

Anyways, I probablly shouldn't have gotten him; I should have done something responsible like I always do...Therein lies the problem. At 27 years old I have the life of a 30something year old. Don't get my wrong, I love my life, but sometimes I get tired of always doing the "right thing." I have put myself through school for the past 5 years, raised Riley by myself, recieved little to no child support and have been working my butt off! Up until December, I have been working two jobs! This fall I was putting in 50-60 hours per week between working my full time job at Hospice, filling in at the hospital, and still working at the store part time. However, I recieved a surprise this week. Much to my delight this past week I recieved Shane's taxes from 2008, which was enough to pay off some bills and buy this little guy. I think I deserve him...and boy do I just love him! The girls think he pretty's cute too! ;)

Ringing in the New Year - 2009

Well, another year has come and gone...

This past year has brought lots of ups and downs.

A Recap of 2008:

• I graduated with my MSW - YEAH!!
• I now have a ton of debt - BOO!
• Riley graduated Kindergarten; I thought for sure her temper would have gotten her kicked out. Instead everyone raves about how great she is! - YEAH!!
• I got a JOB...a REAL JOB!!! And it's one that I like - YEAH!!
• My work laid off nearly 10% of it's labor force - BOO!
• I still have my job - YEAH!!
• I still work at the store since I have so much debt and I don't get squat for child support - BOO!
• I can count on one hand how many times Riley's dad has seen her this year...which is good and bad. The less I see him, the better. The less she sees him, the worse - she thinks he walks on water - BOO!
• I miss having 4 weeks of Christmas vacation off - BOO!!
• Jaylene is living with us and we are SO glad she is here and safe - YEAH!
• Jaylene's mom and dad are way worse than they were in 2005 - BOO!
• I am trying to buy a house - YEAH!
• I wanted to be moved into a new place by now and we're not - BOO! (Rent is more than my mortgage would be - BOO!!)
• We got a puppy in September - YEAH!!
• Elvis died in December - BOO!
• We have the two coolest cats! YEAH!!
• My weight is the highest it's ever been - BOO!!
• I have a TON more grey hair - BOO!
• I'm overall pretty healthy - YEAH!!

So, overall, 2008 was pretty good. In the scope of things, the "bad" things that happened or the things that I didn't like, weren't that bad relatively speaking. One thing I learned in 2008, which I am still working on practicing, is remembering: "Life is about wanting what you got, not getting what you want."

With that thought in mind and 2009 here, I have made my New Years Resolutions. When I made these, I tried to think of things that I didn't/don't like about my life and would like to see different in the coming year. Here they are, in random order:

1. Lose Weight - 75 lbs to be exact (yes, I am ashamed to say I need to lose that much *sad face*)
2. Treat myself better; yes this may sound trivial, but, like most mothers, I have given so much of myself to my daughter that I have left myself by the way side and subsequently have found myself with piss poor self esteem. Due to the nature of my work, I continue to give even more of myself as well. I need to take care of myself before I can help others, even if it is something as simple as exercising each day and getting my hair colored every 8 weeks and finding a hobby or interest for myself.
3. Be a better mom; specifically stop yelling so much
4. Live a healthier lifestyle; I guess this ties in to number 1...unfortunatly I started smoking again when Jaylene came to live with us and I would like to quit again and stop drinking so much soda ( I am dreading this one the most!)
5. Have dinner with my family at least one time per month... (never mind, I am dreading this one the most)
6. Have a date for New Years 2009 (keep your eyes peeled for me)
7. Buy a house before June.
8. Develope a routing for me and the girls; one that will hopefully reduce the stress in the house and allow me more time for them and for myself. One that will reduce fights over who does what; reduce whinning about chores and such. After all, according to Riley she does "everything" around the house. I can't tell you how often I hear her say "What do you think I am? Your butler?" Yes Riley, that is exactly what you are. That is the SOLE reason you were born, just to serve me. Please, give me a break Drama Queen. Maybe another resolution should be to get Riley into Drama so she can literally "Act Out" somewhere else.
9. Find a hobby/past time/sport for Riley.
10. Organize finances/pay off debt/consolidate school loans.

So, I think that is all of them. Although I am sure these will change and evolve over the next year and future years as well. As I look over these, I think, eh, these won't be so hard. I know a lot, if not all, of these resolutions overlap and affect each other. For example, if I am healthier maybe I won't yell so much and I will want to see my family more often. You get the picture... The date one, now that's a different story...kinda. I guess if I feel better, then I will be more confident and attract someone. At the same time I am totally a sucker for the whole "fate" thing. I believe "it" (meaning love or finding "the one") will happen when it's supposed to happen; no matter how much confidence I exube.

Anyways, wish me luck!! What about you? How was 2008 for you? Any New Years Resolutions? Check for future updates about mine. Maybe I will do a monthly update about my progress. I think I will do that; then maybe my fellow bloggers will hold me accountable; specifically with things like losing weight.

Here's to 2009!!! Happy New Year! I hope it brings lots of happines for each and everyone of you!